Well, I've been MIA for almost 2 months. I fell into a downward spiral of self-pity and sadness. The miscarriage rocked me worse than I thought it would. I've been medicating myself with food, and lots of it. I haven't gone a day without some sort of pastry, chocolate or eating in the evening... or all three.
So why am I back? What was my wake-up moment? I turned 30 yesterday and I'm not where I wanted to be and I'm not happy about it. All the hard work I put in over the past 7 months went down the drain and that makes me mad. How could I sabotage myself like that, what was I thinking? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm starting this new decade off on the right foot. I decided yesterday enough was enough, no more wallowing. I had canceled my WW membership when we were moving cause 1. I wasn't using it; and 2. I wouldn't be near a computer for 3 weeks anyways and thought it was a waste of money to go another month of not using it. I'm not re-joining as Christmas is coming and I'm saving up my money for a special gift for someone, but I am a creature of habit and tend to eat the same things over and over so I know the points value of all my foods and Jason is creating an Excel spreadsheet for me that will work a lot like the points tracker does where I can input my food and points values and it'll add them up and all that fun stuff. And then I have the boards and this blog for support and to keep me honest and on track.
I have a plan:
1. track everything!!!!
2. cut the junk, including "low-cal junk", 100 cal packs and whatnot for the first 2 weeks to wean myself off the sugar/carbs/fat and then I'll slowly re-introduce Oreo thinsations (etc...) cause who can live without Oreos???
3. no more eating after 9pm (I go to bed at midnight most nights)
4. drink water! I've been living off iced teas and we all know how much sugar is in that stuff and milk which isn't really pts friendly when you're drinking a litre a day
5. run on any day I can. Winter is setting in and the weather up here is pretty unpredictable so running every other day won't work cause I could end up missing good weather days, so I'm going to get out there whenever I can!
So now to the weight. I didn't gain as much as I thought I would have after my 2 month gorge-fest. The day I found out I was pregnant I was 159lbs, yesterday morning when I got on the scale (for the first time in at least 6 weeks) I was 167.4, so I have a 8.4lbs gain. But I'm starting anew today so my new starting weight is 167.4. I'm putting some goals on the right side of my page that I think are more than realistic cause I think the goals I set for myself before were far to strict and left no wiggle room so when I wouldn't hit them I felt like a failure. This time I want to set myself up for success.
I feel better already. I hope all my readers haven't given up on me and disappeared. I stopped reading everyone's blogs cause I didn't want to be reminded of how I was so far off the wagon, but I'm going to check out how everyone is doing and I hope you all come back and we can continue to lean on each other for support.
Thanks so much for just being there.
Amanda
November 7, 2007
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7 comments:
Yay! You are back...I've been checking in here about once or twice a week just in case.
I'm sorry that you've been having such a tough time...but it's awesome that you picked yourself up and are moving forward.
We're here if you need an ear.
I was just scanning through my google reader today thinking, god I wonder what happened to her! Imagine that!
Glad to hear your back, and your ready to lose some weight. 8 pounds isn't much! You'll get that off in no time!
Yay! Welcome back Hun! I have all the blogs i read in my favorites in a folder so i check all of them everyday! i've been checking yours everyday and nothing,made me sad lol. I liked reading your blog so im happy you are back!
nice to see you back and thanks for posting what's been going on... i know things have been rough for a while but it's good to see you listing goals... those 8 pounds will be gone before you know it... :o)
Welcome back!! I was also checking from time to time and am so glad to see a new post!
I kinda figured you were having a rough time, *Hugs*, you'll be back on track in no time :)
Wow, I want to thank you all for your comments! I had no idea I had readers keeping track of me. I'm all misty now, I'm so glad you're all out there :)
Hey Amanda! Thanks for your comment on my blog. I've been gone for a long time too, so don't worry about missing my big milestone. I'm going to try and blog a little more regularly now, hopefully :)
Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you've been having. It's fantastic that you're all set to get back on the bandwagon. You obviously know what you want/need to do, and how to do it, so from here on in all that's left is for us to root for you :) Good luck!
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